I need to unwind..

Some weeks I just feel so bogged down with "stuff".. unexplained stuff that to the outside world probably seems so trivial and dumb, but there is too much floating in my brain lately and for the past 4 or 5 nights I literally wake up during the night with a headache and a brain that feels like it just cant relax. Not sure what exactly the anxiety or worry or stress is about these days..

I have really been wanting to get Derek to Silver Ridge Ranch in Easton, there is great riding, great camping. So I suggested we go for his birthday weekend, a little early in the season for camping, but it is a nice place to go that will not overwork the horses and will get us in the mood for our camping season. Well the trip is coming up and just a week ago, the mountains were getting hammered with SNOW! There is snow at the campground now and although yesterday's forcast was calling for very sunny skies for the weekend, the forcast now calls for rainy days.. bummer. So I think a lot of my stress was in making a damn decision, do we go: do we cancel. Well we are going.. rain or shine. Jon & Arlene are coming along and so are Tyler & Cathy (who will go hiking instead of riding since they are non-horse friends).

Then we decided to make this a chili weekend so we are making our first batch of chili tomorrow, I've never made it before.. I surely hope it turns out!! ;) My brain currently is full.. I can feel it pushing itself against my skull, trying to escape. I procrastinated on ordering Derek's present so it will not be here by Friday and that sucks. I just sent a lady $925 on paypal for a saddle with the very high hopes and expectations that she ships out today a saddle that is not broken and is exactly what is advertised so I'm freakin out just a little over that..

The goat situation was stressing me way too much as I was getting upset that they were cooped up so much, I finally came up with a solution to that problem and we are pimpin them out to local Craigslist followers that need brush clearing, so that is one problem solved for now anyways. I think clutter is getting to me, I'm trying to get more organized, we finally spent this past weekend working on the garage, got it 100% better even though it is not 100% but it works for now.. We can actually walk in there, park the bikes, we are not tripping over shit everywhere.. We still have a weekend or two of organizing between the garage and the shed but it's been started. Speaking of bikes, we did ride 3 days last week.. actually come to think of it.. that is exactly when my headaches started!

I'm not just saying that to get out of excersize, but my first headache came exactly a week ago on our 2nd bike ride, my head just started pounding. 2 days after that on our 3rd bike ride, I actually had to stop my bike and put pressure on the back of my neck to alleviate pain I was having which helped cease my head pain.. Ever since that 2nd bike ride especially, I am getting daily headaches, maybe that is my problem. Maybe it is not stress or worry afterall, its just a pounding head which feels a lot like stress when in reality has nothing to do with stress.. hmmm Last night I took 3 asprin (grrr, I could not find any ibuprofen which is my much prefered drug of choice!) lol but I had to take them to eliminate my headache and hopefully keep my head clear through the night, it 1/2 worked... I am one that typically never gets headaches, maybe only a few each year so to have one daily, I can see why I feel so bogged down now. I find it interesting that it took me writing about random thoughts to figure out my issue..

But I am still worried and stressed about other little shit.. the horses for instance. I went to a damn grass seminar which was actually great, but it has me all freaked out about putting the horses back on grass this spring and whether it will cause them to colic etc.. The grass at my parents is lookin soooo good! I need to get them moved over there and stop feeding hay, but I cant just send them over and turn them loose, they could get very sick.. so I worry daily about how to section them off, where to put up temporary fencing, how to get them out for an hour a day easily when I dont live there, how to keep them from having vet visits.. Funny growing up, we never worried about anything and the horses were fine every year.. now as an adult I try so hard to do things "right", why can't I just be a kid again with no worries.. lol

The lender is (excuse my language) "dicking" us around on our remodifiation process.. I sent them the paperwork a month ago and well, they just dont have it logged in yet.. they are WAY backlogged with paperwork and have no clue when they will get to me. I will bug them WEEKLY about this until it is resolved. The crap the banks are pulling was even on the news last night, the news was reporting that it might not be a bad idea to just stop paying your mortgage! NEVER thought I would hear a financial planner say that could be the best thing to do. We are not that desperate yet, but I suppose it works for some to get their attention..

We did get in a ride this past weekend as well as garage cleaning and picking up some sticks out of the pasture. Just Derek and I at Lords Hill for a couple hours, it was a great weekend with lots of sun. I am still struggling with saddle slippage with Red, maybe the thick pad was a bad idea, too thick makes for a less secure saddle even though the thicker pad does provide better shock absorption. I think when I get my new (used) saddle, I'm going to try a really thin pad and see how that goes. Technically if the saddle is truely a good fit, a thin pad should be just fine. We'll see, I'm so confused sometimes..

I am excited to get away for the weekend.. I really need some downtime and I suppose if it rains the entire weekend, well we'll just be riding in the rain then. :) I wish a few more had wanted to come, they probably dont want to go camping this early in spring, but I'm a camper, I dont care if its going to be low 30's at night, I'll have the dog to keep me warm, the fresh air to clear my head and a fire to stay warm by.