Love my Family

Nothing reminds you how much you love your family until a new member is added!  We got the call Monday late afternoon that Andrea's water had broken..  We decided to stay home until she was further along, which meant getting a 3:45am wake up call to head to the hospital.  An hour after we got there, she started pushing and 2 hours later at 7:20am on Tues Dec 17th, baby Tucker James Johnson was born  :)  6lbs 12oz, 18" long.

And he is perfect!  Beautiful precious baby.  Mom and Debbie were practically pacing the waiting room area like momma hens who's babies were suddenly out of sight!  Mom kept trying to hear things by pressing her ear against the door.

I'm anxious already to watch this little guy grow up and to just be around him and love on him..  wanted to hug and squeeze and kiss him all over, but I restrained myself.  Besides, I'll let him get a fresh bath in before I'm kissing anyone else's baby the day it is born!  lol

I was experiencing some feelings of annoyance and irritation at times throughout the wee early hours of the morning.. not sure if it was lack of sleep or my own hormones reacting in a weird way or a subconscious feeling or sense about myself from our own experiences this year in trying to have a baby.

No matter how I'm feeling, nothing takes away from the excitement and joy of holding my first ever nephew!!  I'm so thankful to have a job and boss that allows for last minute call-ins so I can be with my family as we celebrate the arrival of Baby Tucker.

A new road..

Derek and I are venturing down a brand new road..  we have no idea where we will end up, and only a little bit of an idea on what to expect, but we are taking it..  It's the road to a much happier and healthier career for Derek!  He's been wanting to change careers for many years now, just never sure what field to move into, what road was going to work to get there, how to make it happen financially.. so many questions and never the answers.  Until now!

We still don't have all the answers, but a clear direction has been laid out and Derek will be working towards becoming an Electrician.. which means a 2 yr apprenticeship to become a residential journeyman and then another 2 yr apprenticeship to become a commercial journeyman, as well as 4 years worth of schooling thrown in there as well..  A long road, but it will be worth it all.  There is just no stability in the painting field in our area, no room for advancement into management and it's just not healthy to be breathing in fumes all day.

I never imagined that we would be 40, starting a family and starting over in a career path!  lol  All I can do is laugh because it may not be the picture of perfection I would have envisioned, but funny enough.. it is perfect!  It will be a tough road, the apprentice electricians make about 25% less than he was making as a painter... yikes..  But we will make the sacrifices and decisions necessary to make it happen, as well as having a GREAT family support system that will help us get through this and provide us the support we will need there to start our own family.

I'm super proud of Derek, he made this decision and he is happy!  I can see the tension and stress lifted from him, and although this comes with its own stresses, we both know it leads to better security and stability for ourselves and our coming family.  Derek is dedicated to make this happen, he's purchased the tools necessary, is taking the practice tests needed to move forward, researching the options and jumping in with both feet.  I know he can and will make this happen and I'm excited to watch him grow, learn and become an awesome electrian!!  A happy husband makes for a happy wife  :)

15%

I decided in order to get my head back in the weight loss game, I needed to restart weight watchers!  I had been debating when to officially get that ball rolling, when I received a promotional email from ww, offering me 1/2 off my first 3 months if I joined now.. so I did!  :)  What a deal...  lol

Last week I attended my first meeting.  At the hospital the morning of my surgery, I had been weighed, so I had a decent idea of where I was at.  But it had been 11 days, I was not eating really good (mind you Halloween had just come/gone a few days earlier.. so I was expecting to be up maybe 5 pounds..  I mean typically you weigh the least at 5:30 in the morning compared to 6pm in the afternoon.  Weight can/will fluctuate by a few pounds throughout the day.  So when I stepped on the scale, I was hoping to be down a total of 50 pounds, was crossing my fingers I was not down any less than 48..  But reality was that I was down 55.2 pounds!!  Holey Moley..

Whoohoo was how I felt..  Somehow I continue to loose a little bit of weight even when I'm not trying very hard.  Derek says my metabolism is kicked in, my body is working for me and not against me and is learning how to digest properly etc..  Whatever the case.. it's awesome!    It was really nice to see a few familiar faces at the meeting, and they were friendly and welcomed me warmly.  Only 1 person in my meeting knew why I had left and she didnt ask.  The check-in gals knew why I had left as well, and they didnt ask either..  just smiled and one welcomed me with a hug!  :)

This past week, I was not tracking very well..  being lazy about that and although I'm making much better choices than a year ago, still not making great choices.  Amazingly I was down another .6 pounds!  What is going on.  The awesome part of that is that I have now lost a total of 15% exactly from my starting point..

I can see it in my face for sure..  I dont see it at all when I look at myself naked from my neck down in the mirror!!  lol   I feel it in my waist when I put on my super duper baggy jeans and I can tell when the dog gets in my lap for loving, because there is now a lap and room for him to actually sit!  hehe  I've been debating when to purchase new pants, there are some shirts I no longer wear because they are way too big, but for the most part my shirts are all still acceptable.  My jeans are so baggy that I can hardly stand to wear 1/2 of them because I constantly have to pull them up every 5 feet, literally!  The other day at the grocery store, I had to pull them up to my boobs just to get them to stay up..  of course this was under my shirt!  lol

9 years ago when we lived with my parents while we were searching for a house to buy, I had asked for some Wranglers and received 2 pairs.  They were the exact size I had asked for, but they ran a little small in the waist for some reason and never did fit.  I was embarrassed and never did tell my mom as I didnt want her to have to buy me larger sizes..  so I kept the jeans hanging in my closet for 9 years, wondering IF I would ever fit in them.  A month ago I tried to put them on and it was not happening.  3 days ago I tried again..  I fit in these damn jeans finally!!!  What an awesome feeling that was..  so I now have jeans that dont make me feel ugly because they are so big, my ass is tight in them and not droopy, I can see that my legs look skinnier in them, and I feel good.  I know I have a super long ways to go..  but I'll keep pluggin along on this lifelong journey to a healthier me!

Moving Forward

A big weight has been lifted from my life..  For 26 days, we knew our pregnancy was over, yet we were unable to move forward physically or emotionally due to the time constraints of the process we had to endure.  Probably the most difficult 26 days of my life.  This post is more of a diary type entry than a blog one, but it's the reality of our life right now and no sense hiding it.

After the DNA test indicated Downs, we had to wait until I was 16wks pregnant to go in for the Amnio test.  That was Oct 18th.  The test itself was okay.  I was very nervous about it, who wants a long needle puncturing their belly, sounded painful.  It was a tiny bit painful and the process took about 5 minutes.  Derek was there with me.  We both ended up looking at the ultrasound, something I thought we both might try to avoid.  Why would I want to see my baby?  But to avoid looking would be an attempt to avoid reality and I couldn't live with that.  I needed to face this and deal with the entire process.  I did not however watch the ultrasound as the needle was inserted, and that had nothing to do with baby, and more to do with my own desire to not see the needle!

Over that weekend, we spent some time with friends on Saturday and when we got home found an anonymous package in our mailbox.  Someone attempted to trick us into thinking the package had been mailed, but it was obvious that it was personally delivered to our mailbox.  It was a note that said "Before decisions are made, Read these stories" and there was a Christian based book about Special Needs Children and how they are God's Gift.  Or something along those lines.  The book went straight to the garbage.. it came out then back in, then out then finally back in the garbage as we tried to analyze the handwriting, stamps, the note etc..  In general, it created a lot of hurt anger and pain for us.  Someone clearly did not understand us at all, did not have the courage to talk with us or stand behind their beliefs and hid behind this book and being anonymous.  We only told a small handful of people the reality of what was happening and that person did not respect us enough to have a discussion or talk with us.  Or maybe it was someone that read my blog.  We were very angry and upset about it, but have found a way to move past it.  I sincerely hope I never find out who it was at this point, because I would deeply struggle with wanting anything to do with them if I found out who they were.  I expected people would have differing opinions, I expected some would not agree and feel strongly about it, but I didn't expect any of our friends or family would be so cold and insensitive to us.  Our generic description that most people received from us was simply our way of getting it out there, but anyone that has asked us what happened with our pregnancy, we have been straight forward with, open and honest.

We have spent the entire past 26 days grieving and coping with the loss of this pregnancy.  We have talked about it daily.  Although we stand firm behind our decision and knew it was the right decision, it does not make it an easy thing to go through and we still had to learn how to cope with it all.  We are strong, we have grown stronger together and I feel more love towards Derek every day.  This process did not spread us apart, it has pulled us closer and we found positive ways to work through it all, but we still had weak moments, we still had bad days..  not for the decision but for the loss of our child.

With all that anonymous stress on our shoulders, we then had a birthday dinner on Sunday evening with some of my family.  It was a nice break from the long weekend we had been dealing with.  On Monday morning I received the call from the Amnio Test and Downs was confirmed.  :(  We knew it was coming, so I was not upset all over again.  I spent the day waiting to then hear from the UW with the plans on moving forward with the termination.  The call finally came in around 4:30 and the gal indicated I would be coming down on Wed the 23rd for a visit with the Dr for a consultation, then 24th for family history and a visit with the social worker, then surgery on Friday 25th.

I was a bit overwhelmed at that moment because this was all going to start happening in just 2 days!  I didnt anticipate it to go so quickly.  I felt a surge of emotion come over me and I took a few minutes to just cry to myself as reality once again was sinking in.  I had planned to take the next day off from work (my 40th Birthday!) and spend it to myself, just hanging out being lazy around the house, relaxing and enjoying me-time.  But plans had to change and I decided to go to work on my birthday since I would be taking 1/2 day Wed, all day Thurs and all day Friday off work.

My birthday was uneventful.  Derek was awesome and brought home the exact dinner I had wanted, BLT's!  :)  He didnt enjoy it as much as I did, but I really appreciated the effort and sacrifice he made to just have a nice relaxed evening at home with him.  And he found me an amazing card that just fit so perfectly for how we both feel right now.

Wednesday, mom went with me down to the UW for my consultation.  I didnt want Derek to have to take time off work for that, so she joined me.  It was a good thing she was there.  I had no idea I would be having any medical procedure done that day.  It was a long afternoon of waiting and waiting and finally getting to see the Dr and get some questions answered.  I was informed they would be inserting the dilation straws that day so that my body would have about 36 hours to get ready for Friday.  If they could get enough straws in that day, I would not have to come back the next day and they would have a social worker call me so I wouldnt have to drive back down at all on Thursday.

I dont know what to say about the dilation insert process except that it was the most painful experience of my life.  I had NO idea that much pain and discomfort would be happening.  It lasted about 30 minutes and my body immediately went into severe cramping mode when it was finished.  I was very thankful to have someone with me to drive me home, as I was barely able to walk to the car and then continued to cramp severely for the next 14 hours.  I should have taken the Oxy prescription that was provided for after the surgery, but instead stuck with the Ibuprofen they provided, which seemed to do very little to help out!  I spent most of the day Thursday lounging around, just trying to stay comfortable as the pain slowly eased up by the hour after I woke that morning.  By this time, I was quite nervous about Surgery, thinking if this is the pain from the dilation process, how bad will surgery be.

Friday morning, we were at the hospital at 5:10 am, there was a line to check in and were escorted back to the pre-op room at about 5:35.  Derek was with me the entire time as they prepped me and we were successful at staying positive and light hearted and almost all smiles that morning.  I did have a couple momentary almost panic moments where I was flooded with emotion and on the verge of bawling, I was a little scared about the process and the thought of going under..  But I kept my emotions under control and smiled through it.  The staff was all very nice.  They gave me the amnesia drug, Derek left the room, within a few minutes they wheeled me back to the surgery room and last I remember really is arriving at the surgery room.  I then came back to reality as I was wheeled into the post-op room and was awake within a few seconds.  No groggy-ness at all.  I was surprised at how awake I felt.  Apparently they only put me under a heavy sedation for the surgery and with the amnesia drug, I dont recall a thing.  I was feeling no pain, I was comfortable and almost immediately felt relief it was over.

Derek was back in with me within a few minutes of waking up and we spent another 30 minutes or so in that room.  I then was cleared for departure, changed back into my clothes and we went home.  I think we were home by 11am.  I took 2 Oxy pills that day, just because.  I am not sure I needed them, but wanted to be safe, not sorry about any upcoming pain.  I felt no pain, hardly any cramping either.  I was mobile that day, although minimally for Friday and Saturday as I was still bleeding and the more I moved, the more I bled.  I gave Derek permission to go hunting on Saturday and was able to take care of myself that day.  By Sunday I was still feeling good and was able to go to my parents house for the baby shower mom and I had planned for Andrea.  When we planned the shower date, we had no idea I would be having surgery 2 days prior, it just worked out that way.  But I was able to enjoy myself at the shower, minimal bleeding that day, no pain and we had a great time.   Emotionally I was OK.  It was a little hard at times when I wanted to pipe in and make a comment about our future pregnancy, but I didnt want to create any awkward moments, so didnt say anything about our future baby.  It was a day about Andrea and not about me.  I'm most certain that only moms family was aware of the surgery and that dad's family had no idea.

Emotionally...  I am fine.  I immediately felt relief and that a huge stress had been lifted.  It was impossible to move forward prior to this surgery, but I now feel we can stop dwelling on the past and what was, and think about what will be.  We are sad, hurt and upset but we are ready to think about the future.  It feels a bit weird to feel "fine", I wonder if I should be more sad or depressed and feel some guilt about not being more upset right now, but I then realize I've had 26 days to deal with the loss and accept this loss.  I feel as though Friday 25th was just a technicality and that the real loss happened on Sept 30th.

Today is Tuesday, I have very minor bleeding, I'm getting motivated to start getting my house back under control, my energy is coming back a bit more every day, unfortunately so is my appetite!!  I need to get that under control sooner than later as I think I am down about 55 pounds right now, do NOT want to blow that.  So I will be rejoining WW probably next week to stay on track.  I am feeling the urge to start working on the next baby, unfortunately we have to wait  :)  Its going to be a long couple months waiting.... I am ready to jump in and get started!

Riding

I've been avoiding my blog for a while, be we have had some positive experiences this past month, I just was not in the mood to post about it.  On Oct 13th, I hauled Hula and Edgar out to Sultan to ride in a Benefit Trail Challenge.  I had been hearing of this trail coarse for a while, and finally had the opportunity to go.

I was so proud of Suzi, she took 1st place out of 6 in her youth division!!  She was shocked..  I was not surprised at all, Edgar is the man!  This past weekend Suzi took Edgar to a 4H Fall show and took 1st place in the trail class as well for her Novice Sr Division!!  I dont know how many kids she competed against, but I am super proud of her.  She opted not to do the other riding classes that day as Edgar was having some arthritis issues and she did not want to hurt him.

On the day of the benefit show, I rode Hula in the Novice Division and although we did not place, we did score 86/100..  which was pretty good I thought!

I really enjoy Hula, she's been a pretty solid horse so far.  This trail challenge was the first time I had been on since the ladies ride in August.  Felt good to ride, but I was a bit sore the next day.  Since I was still pregnant during this ride, my hips and crotch area decided they were not real happy about it and made me realize in the future, that riding while pregnant is best not to be done.  I haven't had a chance to ride since this benefit show, but intend to get back in the saddle very soon.

Love & Support

I've been avoiding this post...  first because I wanted a chance to be sure family understood what was happening and then also because, it's not something positive to write about...

3 weeks ago we went in for the Ultrasound/DNA test that would determine if there were any problems with the baby..  Downs in particular was my biggest concern.  Being almost 40, I knew the risks going in were about 1/110 for our baby to develop Downs.  There are other genetic problems the DNA test looks for, but those are not as common and were not on my radar.  There was a lot of anticipation and worry waiting those 11 days until I finally got the call.

Monday morning, Sept 30th I got the call and our baby was confirmed positive for Downs!  We also learned our baby was a boy.  I immediately left work and went home to spend the day with Derek (who had the day off already).  We were devastated..  Both of us bawled and just sat there, not knowing what to do next and how to feel, or what to say.  Although we knew it was a possibility, we had always held hope that it would not happen to us.  Surely things were going so perfectly as it was with our pregnancy and the timing of it all, that all was going to be OK and normal.  Until reality slaps you in the face and wakes you up.  The genetics counselor at the clinic was free that afternoon, so we went to talk with her in more detail about what was happening and the next steps forward.

Derek and I both knew right away that there was no choice to make and there was only one option for moving forward.  Not a decision we thought we would have to make nor want to make, but here we are and the choice is to not keep this baby and try again.  We don't loose sleep over our decision, and we don't second guess what we have to do.  But we have lost sleep over the "loss" of our current baby.  We've lost sleep over having to give up on the dreams and thoughts and life we had envisioned for this child.  I'm not happy to make this decision, please don't make that assumption.  I'm pretty scared about the upcoming steps and procedures I now have to endure to move forward.

Derek & I are very open about it, we have no problems talking to people about it and our decision if they inquire.  We talk daily with each other about it, as we still have to cope with loosing our first pregnancy and trying to stay positive to move forward.  We go in on the 18th for an amnio..  basically they insert a needle into my belly and withdraw fluid from inside the babies sac.  They will run tests on that fluid to confirm Downs again is detected.  The DNA test we took is 99.99% accurate with ZERO false positives reported, so there is basically no chance the initial test we took is wrong.  But for ease of mind, we will do the amnio as suggested and move forward from there.

What we are looking forward to is trying again!!  We will be meeting with my Dr this week to talk to him about whats going on and when it will be safe to try.  The sooner the better.  :)  We have realized also just how badly we want this family and a baby so we will not give up and can only hope that mother nature will be kinder to us the second time around.  We LOVE and APPRECIATE all the love and support we have felt from our family and friends during this.  My guess is moving forward, we wont be quite so quick to share the information about our pregnancy until we know we have a clean bill of health on BabyF8!!   It will be hard to contain since I still swear that time slows down when you are pregnant.

So much to Anticipate!

Time is crawling..  and it's driving me crazy!  Ever since those 2 lines formed on the stick, I am convinced time slowed to 1/2 speed.  I guess it is the anticipation of all the new things happening in our life right now and just being anxious to get there because it is so NEW & EXCITING!

Before I got pregnant I always feared the pain of labor and the pain of an epidural shot.. but now that reality is here, I could basically care less about either of those things.  I am no longer afraid of the pain because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it now, it is what it is and will be.  Now I wonder, Why was I so afraid?  Which just reassures me that the timing is right, things are working out the way it was meant to be, its all for the best.  Our lives have led us on a path to be the abnormal, odd, different couple that just waited a long time.. which is OK!  :)

6 weeks after discovering BabyF8 was in the making, we finally had our first ultrasound..  Whenever I had good days and was feeling "normal" I was constantly wondering if there was still really a baby in there and if everything was okay!  Is he/she moving..  Is this still really happening?  But once we saw our baby, a new form of reality sunk in and we were happy...  all over again!  We now feel like we are talking to "someone".  We saw a head, belly, arms and legs!  Our little BabyF8 was spread eagle, it was one of the funniest things I've seen.  Not all curled up in a fetal position.. nope not our kid.  BabyF8 was rolling around, having some fun in there.  Unfortunately the printed ultrasound did not come out as clear as it was on the screen but that image will be with me for a very long time.  I went to bed laughing, out loud, at how cute our little kiddo is.

We are exactly as far along as originally predicted.  11wks pregnant at the ultrasound, Due 3/31.  Our BabyF8 was 3.38cm long!  Which is only about 1.33 inches.  I am no longer worried so much that something is wrong when I have good days because I have seen my baby and so far so good!

Meet BabyF8

Its Starting to Sink in...

It took a couple weeks, but I'm finally able to mutter out "I'm pregnant" to people w/o feeling really awkward about it!  I still dont tell everyone I come across, they'll figure it out sooner or later..    :)

I'm definately "feeling" pregnant!  Long gone now are the days of staying up until 11pm to keep up on my weekly shows.. Heck I can barely make it to 8pm right now!  If I dont get atleast 9 hrs sleep, I'll be yawning all day and my body will really feel tired.  So my shows are falling behind and the DVR is piling up.  I want to ride, but dont find much energy to do more than want!  I am struggling to eat enough food, I know I need to be eating more, but I feel full all the time, so drinking and eating has been a chore.  I NEVER imagined I would feel that way about food!!  lol    And if I push too far beyond my "full" feeling to eat what I know I need to eat, then I hurt for hours..  and the peeing.. Oh man..  No wonder I need 9-10hrs sleep since I'm not getting solid sleep with having to pee every 1-3 hrs in the middle of the night..  lol   No denying I'm pregnant.

I guess you could say I'm lucky in that I've not had any sickness issues, but I definately have issues.  So I cant say mine are better than others cuz I feel like crap all the time and who's to say what symptoms are worse than others!  :)  Oh and did I forget to mention that I now drink twice daily a fiber supplement to keep myself regular!

One thing I will say is that I realize every day how lucky I am, because I could not ask for a better husband!  No Joking here..  Derek has been so attentive and really steps in and understands that although physically I'm not doing anything, it is hard work making this baby and he appreciates the sacrifice I am going through right now.  Any worries I may have had about the type of pregnancy husband he would be, are all 100% squashed.  I sometimes feel guilty with how well he's taking care of me, but I'm not complaining, I honestly love him more and more every day.  ;)  And I cant wait to watch him become a Daddy!

I had my first Dr appt a week ago, mostly just for history and see how I'm doing so far.  I have not met the doctor, that will come with my first ultrasound on 9/9.  Very excited for that.  Looking forward to having a better idea exactly how far along I really am.

This past weekend I went on our annual horse club Ladies Ride!  I had been looking forward to some me time, also realizing it might be my last camping trip for a while.  It rained for most of the day on Thursday when I arrived, so I set up my tarp awning first, getting drenched in the process, then sat for an hour to recover underneath!  There was only 1 other up there at the time and it was just easier to do it all myself than try to explain to someone else in the rain what I needed them to do.  Took me a few hours to get all set up, but I had a good thing going.  The rain quit that night and we were all snug and cozy.  I got in a couple 3 hr rides on Fri & Sat.  Hula was awesome!  She didnt disappoint.  Everyone seemed to like her, she got along with other horses and took care of me on the trail, cant ask for much more than that.  By Sunday, I was feeling really tired.  Got my camp packed up and headed out around 11.  Struggled a bit on the drive home, but stayed awake.  Got home and basically crashed for the rest of the day.  I had zero energy to do anything except lay on the couch and did not feel recovered until Tuesday.  This has been a very exhausting week, not sure if it was from my camping trip or just more symptoms of pregnancy fatigue kicking in.

And I've officially left WW  :(  Booooo..  Apparently they have this rule that pregnant women are not allowed to continue with their program, so I've been suspended for now.  Bummer as I really enjoyed the meetings and wanted to continue with that aspect of it.  I have not been following their point program since I discovered I was pregnant.  But I have 6 months of hard work in, I've lost 46 pounds and I dont intend on throwing that all away now.  The plan is to continue to eat healthy and since I had to give up cravings long ago, I hope to be able to hold strong when/if pregnancy cravings ever kick in!!  Baby weight is all this body plans to gain..  fingers crossed!!!

OMG... We have two lines!!

For the past couple years, Derek and I have been thinking about starting a family.  Initially considering the adoption route because over the years, I never really wanted to be pregnant.  I convinced myself that adoption was the way to go.  Realizing all along that it was my own issue and fears with being pregnant and getting fatter that was holding me back, but I was never really willing to compromise on that.  Especially after Carrie died...  No way was I going to risk dying, just to have a baby!

After the adoption classes, Derek realized it definately was not the way he wanted to start a family.  I would have considered it, but if Derek was not on board, then I had to be OK with it, because he has been OK with me not wanting to have a natural baby.  Compromise  :)  We have spent years talking about raising a kid though and what we would do differently from those that we've watched around us.  We've had 23 years together to really know and understand each other.

Almost 2 years ago I went to my Dr and she wanted to put in an IUD, mostly because my monthly "aunt" is always such a bitch to me.  But I knew right away in my head that it was not an option because there was this nagging "what if" in the back of my head....  As we went through the adoption process and over the past couple years, we've spent many long conversations about pregnancy, adoption, many hours of crying about what is the right thing to do, what do I want to do, not want to do, feeling responsible for not having a family yet.

After a few months on Weight Watchers and watching some much needed excess weight fall off, I started also letting go of some of my pregnancy fears.. slowly I was telling myself "maybe I can do this!"  I made an appointment with my Dr for my yearly exam (which was about a year over-due) and decided to talk with her about the possibility of pregnancy!  Yikes, was I really going to talk to someone other than Derek, out loud!  Seems silly I'm sure, but it was a huge step for me and very awkward to bring up..  I asked "Did I wait too long and am I too unhealthy to get pregnant?"  Dr Paulson was great and made me feel really positive about it, letting me know it was great I was loosing weight, of course I'm not too old and to just continue to loose weight while trying to get pregnant.  She set me up with an Ultrasound (just to be sure all looked ok), gave us a referral for Derek to get his swimmers counted and a referral to a OBGYN.

Wow, we are really going to give this a go!  About 6-7 weeks ago we started trying.  For the past couple weeks, almost every time I would eat, my stomach would ache like I had over-eaten.  I was feeling a bit bloated and just felt like crap after I ate any meals.  My period was 10 days late (which is NOT abnormal for me, over the years its been common for me to go 2-3 months between periods, BUT since I started loosing weight, I became "regular" again with a monthly cycle.. the biggest downfall of my weightloss!)  So anyways, I had been watching my cycles carefully because we wanted to get pregnant, so I was taking ovulation tests and it never came up positive.. damn what the heck is wrong with me!!  Confirming in my head that I was infertile or just messed up and not going to be able to easily get pregnant.

Well a week ago, I decided maybe I should take a pregnancy test.  As crappy as I had been feeling and with my late period.. maybe, just maybe....   Derek's alarm went off at about 3:30am for work that morning and I got up right away, took the test.  I had bought it the night before and was anxiously awaiting his alarm to go off so I could take it!  lol  As I sat on the toilet watching the "stick" I soon realized that 2 lines were forming... OMG!!  OMG!!!  OMG!!!!

I didnt know what to do...  Do I cry?  Do I wake up Derek?  Do I put the stick next to the toilet for him to "find"?  Do I set it on his end table?  Do I just keep pacing the bedroom wondering what the hell to do?  lol

So I opted to get back in bed, with the stick in my hand, wave it around in Derek's face as he slept and continuously say "We have 2 lines..  We have 2 lines.."  I didnt know what else to say. As he attempted to wake up, his vision was blurred by this "thing" I was waving in his face and he was completely confused about what was going on and what 2 lines I was talking about and what it all meant!!  Whew.. so I slowed down the waving of the stick, tried to hold it steady in front of him and calmly tried to utter out that 2 lines means pregnant..  and that we had 2 lines!!  He finally got it..  We spent the next 20 minutes just laying in bed, laughing off/on as I am not sure either of us knew what to say or how to feel.  Not a bad laugh, just an "I cant believe this is happening" laugh!  Who knew, that within 6 weeks of trying to get pregnant, we would be pregnant!

So here I am today, a week later and I'm a bit freaked out, still cant believe it is happening.  Yes we did want this, yes it was planned.  I just am not ready to fully accept it and comprehend what the heck is happening!   Almost everyone around us knows..  I was unable to contain nor suppress Derek's excitement..  Who am I to tell him he cant shout it out to the world..  so although I'm not quite ready to shout it out, I'm working on it.  Dont mistake that for excitement or happiness about this life changing event!!  :)  We are going to be parents...  and we'll have a damn cute kid!

Hula is Home

That had to be the longest 2 weeks....  waiting for the day I would get to go pick up my new horse!  On Thursday I emailed Garret to find out if I would need to drive to Spokane or Moses Lk to pick her up on Sunday.  He informed me he was headed to Moses on Saturday and we could meet up that day if I wanted.  Well DUH!!  Of course I would pick her up a day earlier than planned, it was like Christmas in July.  I have been so over-joyed with the thoughts of getting her.

I had my annual load of hay coming in Saturday morning.  7 tons of Orchard Grass from Yakima.  Derek had to work, so I asked Rachel's son Austin to help (he owed us a favor for hauling his car for him).  The hay guy Matt was supposed to arrive in Monroe between 7-8.  He sent me a text at 6:15 that he was in town and not to rush!  OMG...  Seriously!  Austin brought a friend along, we got to my parents at about 7 and had the hay done by 8.  Austin & his friend Noah worked pretty good and were a huge help, while Matt stacked the hay in the barn.  I like the hay, seems nice enough.

After I dropped Austin back home and picked up Rachel, we soon headed out to Moses Lake!  It was a long morning, everything kept dragging on and taking forever...  I was just so damn anxious!  We finally arrived in Moses at about 2:15.  Pulled her out of the trailer, she casually walked into my trailer and stood awesome for the next 6 hours as we ate lunch, refueled, and made the trek back home.  Pulled in the driveway at 8pm, heard a screech from across the street as the neighbor girls had been impatiently waiting for hours for the return of my rig!  When I pulled her out of the trailer, she looked up, then dropped her head to eat as the girls moved in to pet her.

She settled well, like she had lived there all her life.  I locked the pesky goats out for the night.  The next morning, I allowed the goats to come back in and fed her some hay.  She allowed the goats to stand in the tub and she quietly would eat around them.  She's not a fan yet of them rubbing against her, but in a day or two, I'm sure she will be over that.

Pulled her out Sunday afternoon to shave a bridle path in, trim her jaw whiskers and spent an hour bathing her.  She took it all in stride, never flinched much at anything, just the perfect horse!  After her bath, I walked her around the neighborhood for 30 or so minutes to dry off.  She was a bit leery out there, spooked a couple times, snorted a little..  Nothing unexpected for a horse that just went through a major life change!

Love Love my Hula Girl

I did learn a few new things about her.  Was able to email with the actual owner.  Garret is a trainer and took her on consignment basically.  The owner did inform me that she is 13, so that was a slight bummer.  But she has been used for packing in, has packed out game, used for barrel racing, trails, pulled a cart, parades and more..  Regardless of her older age, I love this Hula Girl and am excited to get out and start riding her!!!  And doesnt she clean up nice!!  :)

Banks Lake

We finally planned our annual family camping trip!  2 years ago we went to Bumping Lk, last year we just could not coordinate a weekend.. this year Eric/Andrea chose Banks Lk as our destination.  And we were going to be boating in!  Meaning we could not bring our camper and since we do not have a working boat at the moment, we would have to make 2 trips to get us all out there.  We loaded the car up, full to the brim with all our stuff.  It was 97 degrees when we arrived at the boat launch.  Eric & Derek headed off in Eric's boat and 15 minutes later, dad finally got his boat going and he and sarge headed off to find them.  Mom Andrea and I were left behind and watched as dad pulled away, wondering if he and the dog and the gear were going to make it!  He was loaded down pretty good and the dog had to lay on a table, and their clothing bag teetered on the edge.

45 minutes later Eric arrived pick us up, and we headed out to our camping destination.  As we are getting closer, Andrea is commenting that this spot was not where she was thinking.  I see a crappy beach with a 3 foot drop off to get down to the water and a bunch of trees.  I then see Derek standing there with a very leery look on his face, he did not appear happy at all.  Andrea was telling Eric he needed to go check out the other spot she was thinking about, so we dropped off mom and went in search of a better location!

10 minutes along the lake and we found the spot!  It was a big cove with a huge long perfect beach, a big shade tree, established fire ring and only a couple groups of day-users occupying part of the area.  So we moved in, unloaded and set up camp.  It was awesome I thought!  Derek was a much happier camper for sure.  The previous area was so buggy, you could hardly stand it.  So we ended up having a great weekend.

This was our camping and beach area.

 It was a very hot 3 days!  We did minimal fishing, got minimal fish..  :)  I hooked a 3 inch fish in the eyeball..  That was the extent of my catches.  But Derek and I didnt put in a lot of effort.   I did do a lot of swimming, well I should say floating.  When we got too hot or had to pee, we would just jump in the lake!  :)  It was a lot of work to boat in, but I think this spot we found was worth it.

Derek & I have now officially down-graded our camping status to "tenters".  We sold the camper, bought a new tent and hope to consider buying a bigger camper next year, but who knows if that will happen.  I will miss my camper....

Updates... finally

Yeah Yeah, I know I've slacked off...  My apologies once again!  :)

So lets recap some of our summer!  Back in June, actually on our anniversary weekend, we took Cooper down to Scappoose OR for a hunt test.  We had not planned to run him this year; however, Derek needed to get a Started Pass under his belt to qualify to become a started judge!  We were hopeful Cooper would pull through and perform well.. and he did good enough!  It was his first test in almost a year, he had the land series first and of course in his usual form, he messed around with the bird once he got to it and was reluctant to bring it back.. but he did and he certainly was much better than last year!  The second bird that went up, well Cooper had a bit more "fun" with that one as he was tossing it into the air.   No Joke!  He threw the bird up in the air multiple times and then he would leap up in the air too, he was having a grand ole time out there.. but he brought it back.  And of course his water marks were perfect so Derek got his pass.  Now on to becoming a judge we will go.  He will be taking a hunters safety course in August (he never took the class prior since he had military experience, he didnt need it for his hunting license).  And then we will be taking a Judges Seminar in August.  By next year we will be judging!! Yeah...  A new adventure in this dog world.

The following weekend we were back down in OR, the next town over in Rainier for the Annual Waterfowl Festival.  We stayed in our camper at the fairgrounds and spent the first part of Saturday walking around.  It was well attended and there were a lot of duck hunting type vendors, but still fairly small.  From there, we drove along the Columbia River to Walla Walla WA.  The plan was to look at a draft cross mare Sunday morning over there, then drive home.  But we got to WW at about 5pm and decided to go see the mare that afternoon instead of waiting until morning.  it was close to 100 degrees outside!  :(  The mare was OK, not impressed and she needed more work than I wanted to put into her, not as level headed as we wanted.  We then drove back home that evening..  What a long weekend of driving that was!!

We spent the 4th of July weekend at home this year.  Needed a break from being gone all the time and had a nice time just chillin.  Got to spend time with friends we dont see often, watched the fireworks in Monroe from the car races parking lot with my family and even got in a ride on Edgar!  Sure made me miss riding being on him and hopeful at finding a new horse sooner than later.  Although I still was not feeling any pressure to buy.  I had found a really nice draft cross down in Northern CA, but the logistics of it all put that horse out of my price range and would have completely drained our account.  Not looking to invest that kind of money again.

Derek and I had a Dog Training day this past Saturday that we had to help run/organize.  I had to "run the line" meaning I kept everyone going as they ran their dog and made sure the test setup was to their skill level etc.  But it also meant I had to load the winger too on occassion.  The winger is the contraption that throws the birds.. It was so gross!  I wore gloves so I did not have to actually "touch" the birds, but the stank of them was so gross, I was close to dry heaving every time I had to load it.  And I felt so disgusting at the end of the day.  But we had a good day and although Cooper had his mistakes, he ran pretty good.

The week prior to the weekend, I found a new horse to consider, over in Spokane.  A 12yr Draft cross mare.  I wasnt over-thrilled with her age, had hoped to find a horse under 10 but most everything else about her sounded quite promising, particularly her price of $2150.  Derek and I woke up at 3:30am Sunday morning to make the 5 hr drive to Deer Park (N of Spokane by 20min) as the seller wanted us there by 9.  He had a 5-day pack trip he was leaving for that same day.  We arrived at 9:10am, spent just over an hour there.  Her name was Jezabel "Jez".  Although I never called her by name as it was not one I liked!  lol  She is a 16h Belgian Paint.  A little bit of a stinker with picking up her feet.  She just doesnt want to, but never tried to kick.  I watched Garret ride her, he rode her down the road, then turned her around and loped her back to us in a big open hay field.  Absolutely NO buck or even thoughts of bucking in that field.. a very good sign.

When he got back close to us, he was trying to get her to back up and she planted her big ole feet and refused!  :)  He was rolling his spurs on her sides pretty good and she still just stood there.  Again, no thoughts of bucking with that spurring.  She tried to get away from the pressure and spun around a bit, but no rearing involved.  I mentioned that I thought maybe she would respond better to a sidepull bridle and not the bit he had in her mouth.  The guy riding her is a trainer, so no discredit to him at all.  He actually is not her owner, he takes horses in on consignment and sells them for the owners.  When he was done, I asked if I could put her in a sidepull and ride in the round pen.  Got on and immediately felt at ease, actually felt "at home" on this girl.  Rode her around for a while, she kinda responds to leg pressure, kinda thinks about neck reining.  But not solid on either area.. easily fixable with time.  She stopped and she backed.  She tried to stand her ground on backing, but with a little scissor motion on that bridle, she realized it was easier to back up than take the pressure.  I then asked to ride her out to the woods, so we headed on down the field to the trees.  She was very cautious and aware of her feet, she dropped her head and looked at the logs I asked her to go over.  She never tried to eat the luscious grass.  I took her through thick trees that brushed up against her and hung over her, she never flinched.  I broke branches above her and dropped them on her, no reaction.  She was solid.  We jumped a few deer back there and again, no reaction.  As I walked her back to the barn area, she stopped and stood fairly still.  Not 100%, but she didnt fight me either and I know with other horses around, she would have stood all day.

I was pretty much sold on the mare the second I got on her, but after riding, I just knew she was a great fit for me and possibly for Derek if he ever wanted to confiscate her from me.  They gave us some alone time to think on her and we offered $2000 and would pick her up in 2 weeks.. the next free weekend I had to get back over there!  Left a deposit and I now technically own this beautiful girl.

It took a while to come up with a new name for her, but we have renamed her "Hula Girl" aka Hula.  :)  My only problem.....  I dont know how I am going to have the patience to wait 2 weeks to get her!!!  I'm already in love with this horse and almost in tears because I havent been this excited about a horse in a very long time.  I want nothing more than to bond and have that solid horse and am very hopeful that I just found her.

We have decided we will not be buying or getting a horse for Derek this year.  Hunting season is approaching quickly and why spend money on a horse for him, when he will not be focused on riding.  Come about Feb though, that will change and we will then restart our search for a horse for him.  If he takes my Hula Girl, thats OK, I'll deal with it and will be happy knowing he has a solid horse.

AHHH, I just cant wait!!

And finally the last update I have is my Weight Watchers success.  I am now down 43 pounds!  I am officially starting to retire some of my baggiest of jeans.. They are all baggy (except some of my wranglers that have been in my closet for years as I outgrew them).  So I walk around baggy-assed most days and it looks terrible, but I dont want to spend tons of money on pants I intend on shrinking out of..  :)  I'm happy and working every day at this!

There are a lot of positive things going on around us right now and I am looking forward to the future!  ;)

I lost a Weekend

As I look back on my calendar to trigger my brain into remembering what we've been up to, I realize that 12 days ago I absolutely cannot recall what we did on that Saturday or Sunday!  I know it was something, or maybe it wasnt..  Not good when your memory is this bad already.

But I do know what we did this past weekend!  Fathers Day...  We celebrated on Saturday instead of Sunday so that Andrea could spend time with her family too.  Had a really nice BBQ at my parents, but the evening ended a bit oddly with the information that my mom had decided to share with us all about the tablecloth used for our outdoor dining that evening.  Not sure why she decided to share such disturbing information with us all or why she used that blanket to eat on, but it's an evening/moment I'll never forget..  good or bad, its a memory that causes me a lot of laughter and confusion in recap!!  :)

Sunday we had plans to hike the Snoqualmie Tunnel, part of the John Wayne Pioneers Trail.  The tunnel is the longest tunnel in the country for recreational use at 2.3 miles long!!  It was pretty cool though to hike it, but it does feel like your never going to get through it as you can see the other end of the tunnel as you hike along, its just a big bright light that takes forever for that light to start to grow.  The tunnel was built from 1912-1914 and it was maybe 36 degrees inside with a good wind running through.  Overall I think we hiked about 5 miles that day and I really enjoyed it.

The entrance heading Eastward

The entrance we used heading Westward

Hunt Test Weekend

It was a long, hot, fun, successful weekend!  Our retriever club hosted a Hunt Test on our training grounds in Monroe.  Another club, the Olympic Rainshadow HRC was the official club running the test, but our club did 1/2 the work and in the end, got a HUGE payoff because of it.  And I dont mean $ in the bank..  I mean that this test weekend was the largest Hunt Test attended this side of the Rocky Mountains!  We had 148 dogs entered over 2 days  :)  This awesome support of our grounds and hard work of those involved with our club and supporters, helped push the HRC in the direction of FINALLY accepting our clubs application for affiliation a week later..  It was a 4 year battle and it just feels Amazing!  There were many others involved in running this event than the ones pictured, but we were the last ones still hanging around at the end of the day on Sunday. 

Our club president Boyd & his wife Pam

 

Don & Anne West

Pete & Kate

Elroy & Lorri (Owners of Earl - Cooper's daddy)

I guess we had to get our pictures taken too!

Although we did not take Cooper to the event, we were too busy working, Derek did run home to get him Sunday afternoon to take advantage of another opportunity to get a picture with some other NW Boykineers!  Cooper sat patiently in the truck, just waiting to head back home.  Is he cute or what!  :)

6 of the 8 Boykins that were on the Test Grounds!

Cooper's brother Mace ran in his first 2 tests over the weekend.  Saturday was not a great day for Mace.. he struggled to bring the birds back and was probably quite confused on what this was all about.  Mace had never been to a test, or to any type of practices, just had real life field work.  We really had to encourage Jim to stay with us Saturday night and come back the next day, he felt a bit deflated I think.  But he was really glad he came back as Mace started to get the hang of what was expected and received a Started Pass on Sunday!  We were very proud of them both, as was Landon, Mace's real owner..  :)

I didnt realize just how exhausted and worn out I was until Monday afternoon at work.. I started to feel sick, my throat hurt pretty bad and I was becoming lethargic.  That evening I went to bed pretty early and didnt end up getting back out of bed until 5pm Tuesday afternoon!  19 hours was FAR too long to lay in bed sleeping the entire time as it took another 4 or so days for my back to recover!  lol

The positive was I lost 6.6 pounds that week at weigh in, then gained 2.6 the following week and now this week am back down 2.2   So its been a real WW rollercoaster, but overall now down 39lbs.  We had a sub last night at our Mtg and she helped me think more positive about weight gain..  Said we have about a 5lb bubble that surrounds us, because our bodies fluctuate from hour to hour on our weight, so as long as the bubble is gradually moving down, then dont sweat the small gains here/there!  I now have 31 pounds to loose in 4 months..  thats my short term goal I'm working towards.

Memorial Weekend

Once again, we ended up at Beavercreek for Memorial Weekend, in Twisp.  3 of the last 4 years have been here, but we really like it and since we were going horseless, we knew there would be some good hiking.

We had invited a few different sets of friends to come along, but none of them could make it, but we had a great time with our horse club friends that did go.  We struggled getting ready to go the week prior..  as we realized our camper was too small for our truck!  Didnt think that would be an issue until we put it on the truck, and saw that the cabover section was touching the roof of our truck!  After some creative thinking, we got it squared away.  But FYI, an upgrade in campers is now on our short-term list.  Which means we will most likely sell our camper this summer and have to be without for a few camping trips  :(  Oh well, we are perfectly capable of "roughin" it!

Our goal for Memorial was to hike the Pipestone.  We had ridden it 3 years prior and knew it would be a great hike.  I was feeling some apprehension about it though as I was fully aware it would be a 4+ hour venture.  Friday I was just not feeling in the mood to get out, legs felt tired and weak.. probably because I was up until 2am Wed night preparing for our trip on Thursday..  Things just were not coming together on Wed, had my WW meeting, my phone died, camper had issues.. so what was I to do?  I still had all that food to prep and clothes to finish washing before heading out the next morning.  :)

Derek went off hiking on his own for a while on Friday.  I dont know how long he was gone, I was lazy and hung out in the camper, nodded off for a while with Cooper!  It was nice having some down time, just me and the dog.  I was sad to have left Ellie behind that weekend but it would not have been right to leave Russell home alone.. poor guy is getting blinder and deafer by the day!  :(

Saturday morning was the day.  We were going to hike out to the Pipestone.  We got directions on which trails to take to get there and headed out.  We dropped down into Death Valley, a completely different vibe walking through there vs riding a horse through.  We had Cooper with us and decided to teach him a new command "follow" as we wanted him to learn to walk on the trail behind us and not running off into the snake filled bushes!  Coming back up out of D.V. was a steady climb, we stopped often for mini-breather sessions and at the end of that climb, realized we had just hiked the backside of Pipestone and missed it completely!  We were at the far West end of it, so we hiked up another section to get to the top of Pipestone which gave us a great view of the entire area.  So we did still hike to the Pipestone, we just didnt end up following the trail ALONG the Pipestone.  But thats OK as we had done the trail horseback and this route we took was one we had not seen before and the lookout where we stopped for lunch, was not an area we had explored on horseback either.

These are some horses that came from a barn around the other side of this hill.  They are on a trail that connects into the top ridge of the Pipestone trail.  They actually took a right and headed down to the intersection of the trail on the backside, which is the same way we had walked up.

Overlooking the Pipestone.  That big hill in the background is the one the horses had come around.  It was really windy up here, but it felt nice and we had an amazing view.

After a nice break and some great pictures, we headed back to camp.  We followed the old ditch-line above camp on the way back and then had to drop down to the campers, so we did a big circle hike, took us 4.5 hours!  Again, AMAZINGLY my back was NOT at all sore the entire hike!  I'm sure the 4 Ibuprofen I took was part of the reason, but that was a very long difficult hike and I was pretty proud of myself.  :)  The weather was not as hot as Burke Lake, it was perfect.

I think we wore Cooper out more than ourselves.  Poor dog tried to jump off the tailgate step that evening and his legs buckled and he fell on his face!  Overall we had a really great weekend.  Cooper still has a major infatuation with fires and at times have to really watch him because he has almost gone in!

At the time of that weekend, I think I was down almost 35 pounds.  Today I am down 37.  Not a lot of change lately, its been an up/down rollercoaster for me.  Good decisions, bad decisions...  But I continue to work on it and am proud that I've lost that much so far.  I continue to work on re-training myself, its a daily battle.

Duck Dog Challenge

A friend took this picture of Derek Cooper & I.  I really like the picture!!

Our retriever club put on a Duck Dog Challenge back in May.  It was a 1-day event and 95% of us had never been to one, nor seen it in person.. so there was a lot of stress involved with getting all the details sorted and how it was going to come together.  I think a few of us were quite worried we wouldnt have anyone show up as its not a cheap sport to do.

There were 2 options.. a Team challenge consisting of 2 shooters, 1 dog handler and 1 dog for $150.  Then the 2nd option was 1 dog, 1 handler for $50.

Derek and I each ran Cooper in the Single Series.  It was interesting.  As the Bumper gets tossed into the sky, you have to 'attempt' to shoot/hit the target, then your dog retrieves it.  It is all timed and scored based on whether you hit the target or not and if your dog retrieves it or not.  Basically of all the teams, all the dogs scored 100% which leaves the deciding factor on points up to the shooters.  And if there was a tie for points, then winner is based on fastest time.

Basically..  we had NO chance in winning!  LOL   We couldnt hit the target very well and our dog is not that fast...  So I am proud to say that I took last place and Derek took 2nd to last..  Shouldn't there be a prize for that?  :)  Overall, it was a financial success, we had enough teams to atleast break even, maybe even made a couple hundred but it was definately a lot of fun..  cant wait to put on another one maybe next year!!

Cooper retrieving a water mark bumper

 This is Molly, Cooper's 1/2 sister

 This is Earl, Cooper's Daddy with Elroy.  Earl was attacked by coyotes in his back yard a few months ago and this was the first time he was able to do any retrieves, so Elroy threw 2 water retrieves for him.  It was really a special moment for us to be there and be a part of it and many of us had tears in our eyes.  Earl is a very special dog and has overcome a lot to even be walking, let alone retrieving again!!

 Derek handing over a Handler's Jacket to the founders of the Duck Dog Challenge, Thanking them for coming out to Monroe and helping us put on a fun event

Willie's Final Post

A few weeks ago, I took Willie to our horse club Breakfast ride for the day, wanted to get out for a nice ride, see how he would do with his new shoes and our first real trail ride.  I invited Suzi to ride Edgar, thought she would enjoy it.  We loaded up the horses and just as I was about to put the truck in gear, I hear and feel BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.. I probably turned immediately red and full of rage, I was flustered as I tried to put the truck into park (because it already was in park!), flew open the truck door yelling WILLIE KNOCK IT OFF, flew open the horse trailer door and proceeded to kick Willie a few times as he stood tied in the trailer!!  Gave myself a few seconds, opened the divider gate, spanked him as I backed him out of the trailer, spanked him some more outside the trailer and then stood there again to calm myself as Derek came flying out of the house and Suzi's dad ran over from across the street to ensure all was OK at the Fecht's house!

I was sooo flippin angry at that horse.  OMG!  I closed the divider wall, put Willie in the far back section, noticed a couple of new huge dents in the trailer, got in the truck, turned the cool air on and drove off.  Not a great way to start my day!  :)  My internal body temp did not cool down until we got to I5.  Poor Suzi didnt even get out of the truck during all the commotion, she knew it was best to stay quiet and out of the way.  lol

I was still angry at Willie as I watched him stand tied to the trailer while we socialized and ate breakfast at the tree farm.  He was pawing and then trying to kick Edgar..  I got on finally and he was antsy, acting up a little but after about 10-15 minutes, he was his normal laid back quiet trail self.  We had a nice ride, he didnt limp at all and the day ended well.  The next day, Willie was a tiny bit "off" but not lame, so I was pretty happy about that.

I finally got him listed online for $900, had some interest but nothing serious.  I had been waiting to take new pictures and to get video, but decided I was tired of waiting and what I had would have to work!  After a couple weeks of stressing about him and just realizing that it was not likely I would recover much money, I decided to give him away.  I had already lost over $5k in cash this past year, so what was a few hundred more.. wasnt worth the stress of trying to make a few bucks.  There was one gal in Kennewick that had already been emailing with me about him, and when I decided Free was the new price tag, she thought on it for 24hrs and decided to give it a go.  With my schedule and hers, I ended up bringing Willie to work with me a week ago and left him untied in the trailer while he waited.  She showed up mid day, took him home, her name is Heather and she just LOVES LOVES LOVES Willie!!   :)  He is fitting in well with her mares, she has ridden him, he is sweet and lovey and she is very happy.  Which makes me happy and the weight has been lifted.  I know I did the right thing for him and for me and I hope she continues to enjoy him for the many many years to come.

I finally just within the past day or so, have started to feel the itch to ride.  I am not 100% ready to jump into a new horse, I still have some major reservations about buying again, but I want a horse.  I want to ride.  I also want to enjoy this time while I am horseless to get a few things done around the place that desperately need doing!  I think Derek thinks we are taking the entire year off from horses, and who knows.. maybe it will be the year.  But if the right horse comes along, I cant see myself turning it down.  ;)

WW Update

I never thought I would look forward to getting on a scale..  Its always been a dreadful time, such a dissappointment to realize you keep gaining and gaining and gaining over the years..  But now, I can hardly wait for Wednesday afternoon to arrive so that I can climb on that scale and hopefully find a smaller # than the week prior!  The past few weeks have been a bit of a rollercoaster, up then down every other week.  Last week I had done that big huge hike, then also walked 3 miles on the Centennial Trail so surely the scale would reflect all of my hard work..  Nope!  .4 gain last week.. Son of a Gun!!  Well thats not really what I was feeling, I was a bit more pissed and frustrated than that.

But I have to keep remembering to push on and put the work in, because then I bounce back a week later and drop 4.2  :)  I am down 31 pounds total, that is awesome!!  I have a long ways to continue to go, but I am finally starting to see the changes in myself.  Slight, very slight ones.. but I have had 2 people ask me this week if I am loosing weight, so thats really cool to finally loose enough that others are starting to notice.. people that didnt otherwise know I was doing WW or trying..  I almost believe I can do this..  There is still a tinge of doubt in my brain, but I continue to grow and get stronger mentally every week.

My jeans are so baggy these days, I definately can feel the change in my waistline!!  I decided this morning to go to the far right side of my closet to look for a pair of jeans to wear.. that is where the un-wearable clothes have migrated.. pulled out a pair of wranglers I forgot were there, they are 2 inches smaller than my baggy ones and they fit!  I didnt have to lay on the bed or anything!!  They are snug in my waist, feels weird to wear snug jeans, feel like my tummy is just rolling over the edge..  lol    But they fit, I'm not hurting and dont feel like they are too tight, with still some baggy ass issues going on!

Hike of my life..

We set out late Friday afternoon for Dave Bishop's Ranch in Quincy WA, the Burke Lake area for a weekend with friends.  6 months ago when we planned this weekend, we were going to bring horses and ride; however we all know the horse situation so Derek & I decided to go anyways and just go for walks and see the area.  We were tenting it of course since we have camper issues to resolve, so the adventure was on..  It was a great drive over, got there at dusk, good thing our tent is super easy to set up!  :)

The next morning we decided to go out for a walk/easy hike and explore the area.  We left at 8:45 am, the sun was out, the wind was blowing and it felt great, almost cool...  but the cool air quickly heated up as we continued on our walk on the trail.  We followed the canyon wall to the left of us, saw a couple minor waterfalls

and as we looked out across the canyon floor through the valley, we saw what appeared to be a trail going up the side of the canyon.  It looked fairly steep from where we were at and I asked Derek, "would you go attempt it if I was not here?"  He said heck yes he would.. so I said "lets go then!"

Here was our view of the canyon as we contemplated which direction to head.. we had come from the right

So we started our cross-country trek to the other side of the canyon and get to the base of this trail, now realizing this is NO horse trail!!  This is a hikers only type trail, far toooo steep and rocky for ANY horse to go up.  I knew I was being crazy but I was feeling good and I said, lets do this..  It was slow going and a sit down breather was necessary once or twice to make it to the top, but I did it and the view as amazing!!  

We were overlooking Dusty Lake.. I'm thankful for self-timer cameras so we were able to get a shot of us both at the lookout.  From our viewpoint, there was no getting down to that lake safely, so after a few minute break, we headed back down a level to the main trail on top of the ridge.  This was clearly a horse trail and we followed it back towards the end of the canyon.  We didnt really want to go back down the trail we had just come up and we also wanted to continue with our exploring.  

 At the far end of the canyon, we reached the trail that would lead us back down to the canyon floor, what a great view we continued to have of Ancient Lake as well as a couple other neighboring lakes too..

This is a nice waterfall into the green lake.

From our vantage point, we looked out across the valley and that little red X you see on the picture, that is the corner of the canyon wall we have to go around to get back to camp!  So we still had a long ways to go. At this point, before our final decent, we were about 2.5 hours into our "walk"!  

At this point I am still feeling really good, my back was shocking the hell out of me by giving me ZERO pain.. ZERO!!  My legs were a little tired and tight and the sun was getting quite warm, but I was still feeling great. I knew we had a long walk out ahead of us, but kept thinking the worst is behind me, I got this!!

That feeling quickly ended as we reached the canyon floor and started to hike out.  There were minor hills in the valley to go up and the first one I encountered kicked my ass!  I was out of breath 1/4 of the way through it, my body was starting to shut down.  I was struggling pretty bad with my breathing and for the first time, started thinking that I wished I wasn't out there.  About this time my head started to tingle as I was walking and I started to feel a bit nauseous, but I pushed on.  After 30-40 minutes or so of this, my body and brain hit the wall; I started to hyperventilate, my eyes started shedding uncontrollable tears, I probably was shaking a bit, and I'm sure my heart rate was up.  Derek indicated I was having an anxiety/panic attack.  I really struggled to get control of my breathing, but Derek was great and he took control of the situation and after a few minutes was able to talk me back to breathing and calm.  It took another 5 or more minutes to recover enough to continue on.  

I really had a tough time trekking back out of there, but I just put one foot in front of the other as they say, and walked my ass out of that damn canyon!  That last 1.5 hours of hiking, I was breathing heavy the entire time, struggling to find energy to do anything but walk.  I think my brain realized just how far we still had to go and it shut down and convinced myself it could not do it.  But here I am, back at work, so I clearly did it!!

I am proud of myself and I am sure Derek is proud of me too.. He never thought I would attempt the trail we took or that I would be out for a 4 hour hike!  I went too far, 2.5 hours would have been perfect for my conditioning and 3 months ago at 30 lbs heavier, I wouldnt have been able to do this hike at all.  I am certain of that!!  So I am proud and I did enjoy it.  It has easily been 12 + years since I've been on a hike and this by far has been the longest and hardest hike I've done in my life.

I marked in white the route we took..

 When we got back to camp, we both doused our heads in water and just sat for a couple hours doing nothing!  And that felt awesome..  lol    Later that afternoon we went out for a little 20 minute walk with Scott and Barbara as they showed us the lookout of the Columbia River and another area that can be ridden, beautiful!!

The next morning, I felt pretty darn good!  I was not ready to head out on another hike like that, but I was not really sore at all, just some tight muscles  :)  I am completely amazed with my back and a little confused why my lower back has been pain free..  Not that I want the pain, I'm really really excited its not there.. just surprised mostly.

The thing that disappointed me the most.. was my WW activity monitor!  After we reached the peak of our hike overlooking Dusty Lake, to that point I had already used up probably 125% of my daily points target.. but when I took the monitor off, it was telling me I was between 50-75%.  I was PISSED!!  I cussed at the little monitor and was quite irritated that it was not accurate.  I guess because we were going slow and it wasnt moving around a lot, it didnt realize just how hard I was working.  By the time we got back, it finally registered at about 125%, which again is full of ....  because I should easily have been 250% for the day.  Too bad it doesnt monitor heart rate.. so it is a minor glitch/flaw with the tracker.

But I am proud of myself because when we got home from camping yesterday and after we had put everything away, I was at 100% of my activity for the day, but I climbed on that elliptical anyways and put another 20 moderate workout minutes into the end of my day.  Because w/o the loss of almost 30 lbs or the use of the elliptical I've been doing the last couple weeks, that hike would not have been possible..  I'm working my way to fit...  :)