Does life slow down?

Well the fishin has finally died off for Derek & I.. we turned over the boat to Harry and tried fishin off the bank a couple times, yeah I'm not havin any more of that! We walked about 2.5 miles the other day, I dont mind the walking so much, but what a pain in the behind it is.. So I told Derek that I am not fishing w/o the boat anymore, not to mention I totally slipped on the shoreline and fell front body in the muck and was covered in stinkyass dirt while I fished! :)

The horse club had our annual prize ride, which turned out as good as can be expected for a damn rainy day :( Shana & I helped flag the ride on Friday, what an adventure that was... I initially was thinking we were supposed to be there around 9:30am but plans changed Fri morning, and we didnt have to get there til 11am. Well we got there at 11:15 but plans changed again once we got there and we did not end up in the saddle and start riding out to flag the trail until 2:30. I have done the flagging many times before and it is a 5 hour job, so at this point I was a tad bit concerned.... Oakley did pretty well actually, the flags didnt bother him, he did forget his leg cues though and I had to school him multiple times, I guess I need to work him more on that to keep him tuned in to me. He was reluctant to go into the bushes to hang flags, so when we needed to get deep in the bush, I had Shana go in with Edgar, as he'll go anywhere you ask him to. It was great having Shana along to help because I knew I would not be 100% helpful while riding Oakley. BTW, Edgar appears to be back to 100%, YIPPY. I am still being cautious for a while, but I am relieved.

It was dusk, well beyond dusk really, and Shana & I are heading down the trail, Oakley stumbled real bad, went down to his chest, while I'm clinging to his neck trying desperately to stay on, both my calves started to cramp on me just as he recovered and I recovered as well. We got back to the trailers at 7:30 and it was almost dark, 10 minutes later as we unsaddled, it was dark!! I had to turn on the lights to be able to see in the trailer to put our tack away... It was fun though and we enjoyed it.

Got up super early (5:20am) on Saturday and spent the day in registration with Shana's help again, it was just a fun weekend. I'm so glad Shana enjoys doing this with me, I hope/plan to get her out riding Edgar as much as possible when Derek is not wanting to ride. :) Derek is going to try Edgar within the next few weeks and see how he likes riding him so that I can continue to ride Oakley. After 5 hours in the saddle on Friday, I am so happy to report that Oakley's back was not a tad bit sore on Sunday!! Amazing, I thought for sure he'd be sore, so although I still know I am too big for him, I am slightly relieved to know I am not hurting him, well the signs indicate I am not anyways.

The goat is doing well, he is at home, we had to bring the baby kids (Briggs & Stratton) to our house as well because Echo became depressed and stopped eating for 2 days. So now we doctor him in the barn and keep them stalled at night and they run around the backyard during the day. I am thinking by this weekend we can probably take them all back to mom/dads, Echo is healing up well. It may not leave much of a scar afterall, which is amazing for how badly he was injured. I'm really thankful for Andrea, he probably wouldnt be alive if it weren't for her help and guidance.

I've been sad/thinking of Carrie lately. Someone the other day (we'll just call him Mr Butthead) said to me during a random conversation when he discovered I worked in Monroe.. "that's too bad that Carrie's not around anymore for you to go to lunch with her" Yeah, thats too f*ing bad is what I wanted to say.. cuz I miss her only because we cant do lunch together.. he said it so casually that it threw me offguard and then the next thing he says "So hows Rob doing?" So I tell him that I think he is doing alright, I dont really know, I dont talk to him. I said that I let go of my anger towards Rob, the past is the past and I dont hold anything in anymore and mr butthead proceeds to make me feel like the lowest scumbag on the earth for ever being upset with Rob for anything. I left there and just started crying on my drive home.. Who is he to make me feel wrong for how I feel/felt?? So basically he was telling me that it was OK for Rob to treat us the way he did and feel the way he felt, but NOT ok for me to react to that and feel the way I felt. I was upset for 2 days about it, feeling guilty and upset at what a bad person I was. I dont hate Rob, I dont dislike him, it is unfortunate he is not a part of our lives anymore, and I DO honestly only wish him the best but I was very hurt by his actions and I cant apologize or change that. 2 days later I finally talked with Derek about what happened when I talked with (mr butthead) and he made me realize that (mr butthead) was very insensitive and maybe a little out of line. Mr butthead treated me like, oh you're just the sister, it doesnt hurt as much or is not as bad as a husband loosing a wife.. BullShit!! And that's exactly what this book says that I read off/on, that people push aside the feelings of a sibling loss. He never asked how I was doing? Not that I expect it at all, it is awkward sometimes, but if you are going to ask how Rob is doing, dont you think you should ask how I am doing as well?

So because of all that, I've been thinking of Carrie a lot more lately than I have in a while, had a couple meltdowns, but I'm alright. Just some momentary minutes of weakness which is just fine with me, I need them every now and then to bring me back to earth and remind me what life is really all about.